But with Robert it’s his fourth, and more crucially the first he’s had where he truly understands the concept of both a birthday and a party – especially now that he’s at pre-school, being invited to lots of other birthday parties himself. Until this year, the only parties he’d really been exposed to were those of our friends’ children, which is a fairly small group. But now he’s in a class of almost 30 children, and the ferris wheel of parties has started to crank up…

With such a small frame of reference, I’m hoping it’s going to be fairly easy to impress him. Whilst he loved his friend’s party at the local ‘soft play’ centre (to which every child in class was invited, at much expense), we’re also very aware that come September he’ll be going to a new school with a whole new bunch of friends, so worrying about ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ at this point is a little pointless.

We’re currently toying over several different ideas, including a couple of family-based gatherings which shouldn’t take TOO much preparation and possibly a trip to London. But in researching the different options (and being nosey on Facebook), we’ve found a few examples of parties that have slightly unnerved me in their scale.

For instance, take this party organised by blogger Valeria Beirouth. She decided to make it an ‘Octonauts’ themed party, which is something Robert would love too. But I’m not quite sure we could arrange something like this, even with an army of helpers and a year to prepare. Take a look at the evidence:

Then, in typical blogger fashion, I started reading “Top 10″ lists – like this one: “10 Absolutely Amazing (But Totally Doable) Kids Birthday Parties“. These look SLIGHTLY more achievable (without a party planner) but still make me shudder with the thought of how much effort went in to them:

Needless to say, I don’t think we’ll be going to that much effort, particularly for a 4-year-old. I’m also quietly relieved that the neighbourhood we currently live in almost certainly means we won’t even be GOING to any parties like those any time soon – so the boys won’t be getting a taste for it. But it’s got me wondering how much is enough, and when do we need to start worrying more about this?

I’d love to hear any suggestions or thoughts from you in the comments!

Robert is sometimes allowed to watch “Milkshake” on Channel 5 (with shows like Thomas, Peppa Pig and Roary – so nothing overly commercial) and obviously these shows include an (admittedly limited) amount of advertising. Even with this small exposure, Robert will happily wander round the house muttering “Brought to you by Imaginext!” (along with, randomly, “BBC RADIO TWOOOOOO”!) and on a recent trip to Toys R Us he went straight to the toys he’d seen in those ad breaks. He is, as the saying goes, a Marketing Man’s Dream!

The past few days have seen not one but two great examples of the moral questions around marketing to children, with two very interesting stories gaining my attention.

The first was a brilliant campaign video which is currently being shown by Cancer Research UK. Take a look:

Startling and more than a little bit worrying, I’m sure you’ll agree. Whilst you’d hope that most responsible shop keepers would draw the line at selling cigarettes to children this young, I’ve seen VERY young kids smoking around Reading so clearly they’re getting hold of them somehow.

As the son of a smoker, it’s never appealed to me in the slightest – if anything, my mother’s years as a smoker probably put me off quite effectively. But I know plenty of other smokers, and I’m often shocked by their confessions of what age they started smoking. So this video certainly struck a chord with me.

The second example was a story published by the BBC today: “Is Mr Potato Head to blame for ‘pester power’ ads?”

In this very interesting piece, the BBC News Magazine looks at the birth of “Pester Power” advertising – which apparently began with the famous Potato-headed creation – should be controlled by the industry, the government or the parents themselves. Incidentally (and something I only just spotted!) the story contains contributions from one of my university professors, Exeter University’s Brian Young.

Personally (and hopefully not due to the bias of my career) I believe it IS the responsibility of the parents to do what they can – though obviously the industry needs to be regulated at least as well, if not better, than it is now.

Whilst the example I gave above shows how absorbent my son’s tiny mind is, we as parents could easily stop Robert from watching these shows – as it is, it’s very easy to ignore his (occasional) pestering which obviously stops him from associating the adverts with his desires too strongly.

Oddly, despite my own profession, I often go to great lengths to avoid adverts myself – I have ad-blocking enabled on my browser, I often choose to download a TV show rather than watching it “avec ads” and we generally avoid the commercial channels as a rule – though that’s usually down to the programming itself! So I hope that I’ll be able to instil a healthy scepticism of advertising in my children too. But if I don’t, I know that I have the power to avoid the pestering in my own tool-kit, and hope I won’t shift the blame on to others without first trying to solve the problem myself.

I’ve not read every one of them, so I’m going to just post the book details as supplied on Amazon – you can make up your own mind! I’ve also credited the people who made the suggestion…

Potty training time

Pirate Pete’s Potty / Princess Polly’s Potty
“Follow Pirate Pete as he swaps his nappy for big boy pants and begins to use the potty for the first time. Clear, practical text and engaging illustrations help to counter many of the anxieties both children and parents may feel during potty training.”

The arrival of a new baby in the house

Little Rabbit’s New Baby
“Little Rabbit is very excited at the thought of being a big brother. However, when Mama has three babies, instead of the expected one, things don’t go as smoothly as Little Rabbit had hoped. Perhaps babies are not as much fun as he first thought! But Little Rabbit’s new siblings adore him and when Little Rabbit is the only one who can get them to sleep, he realizes how special it is to be a big brother. A very poignant tale, full of humourously familiar moments for any family expecting a new baby.”

Starting school or pre-school

The Kissing Hand
“In this contemporary classic, Chester Raccoon seeks love and reassurance from his mother as he ventures out into the world to attend his very first day of school. The audio CD includes a reading and an original song. Full color.”

Billy and the Big New School (suggested by Katy Oakes)
“Billy is not at all sure about starting big school. In fact, he wishes he could stay at home with his mum. But with some gentle encouragement and the help of a new friend, Billy soon discovers that big school can be a lot of fun! Young children and adults alike will enjoy sharing and talking about this much-loved classic picture book, with its delightful and amusing insight into the joys and trepidations of starting school.”

Death of a loved-one or pet

Love You Forever (suggested by Alexandra Goldstein)
“The mother sings to her sleeping baby “I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always, As long as I’m living my baby you’ll be”. She still sings the same song when her baby has turned into a fractious 2-year-old, a slovenly 9-year-old, and then a raucous teen. So far, so ordinary–but this is one persistent lady. When her son grows up and leaves home, she takes to driving across town with a ladder on the car roof, climbing in to her grown son’s window, and rocking the sleeping man in the same way. Then, inevitably, the day comes when she’s too old and sick to hold him, and the roles are at last reversed. Each stage is illustrated by one of Sheila McGraw’s comic and yet poignant pastels.”

Goodbye Mog (suggested by Katy Oakes)
“Mog was tired. She was dead tired…Mog thought, ‘I want to sleep for ever.’ And so she did. But a little bit of her stayed awake to see what would happen next”

Going on holiday or travelling somewhere

Topsy and Tim (various titles) (suggested by Carl Purkins)
“Topsy and Tim are always finding fun adventures in the real world, and this story is reassuring for young children having first experiences of their own. In Go on an Aeroplane share Topsy and Tim’s aeroplane adventure as they meet the stewardess, the pilot. Also, learn all about the airport and discover that sucking sweets can stop little ears from popping! A trusted and well-loved pair who can help guide parents and children through ‘first experiences’, Topsy and Tim books have been beautifully updated with contemporary artwork. Topsy & Tim remain instantly recognisable to parents while in a fresh style that will appeal to a new generation of fans. Re-launching in April 2008 with the bestselling titles Learning to Swim, The New Baby, Start School, Go on an Aeroplane, Go Green and Have a Birthday Party these wonderful books deserve a place on the bookshelves of the next generation.”

Going to the doctors / hospital etc

Miffy in Hospital (suggested by Katy Oakes)
“A welcome new edition of this basic preparation book. Miffy still must go to hospital, but mum goes along too and the nurse is very reassuring. While the old edition had Miffy’s tonsils coming out, this new one could be an operation for almost anything – useful in an age when tonsils are not so regularly removed. The operation is also an emergency this time.”

The basics of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’

Angry Arthur (suggested by Jess Evershed)
“Once there was a boy called Arthur, who wanted to stay up and watch TV, but his mother wouldn’t let him. “I’ll get angry,” said Arthur, and he did. Very, very angry…”

Discipline / Respecting authority

We are Wearing Out the Naughty Step
“We are wearing out the Naughty Step – I lost the school hamster, and Josh fed the elephant the wrong way and we made the dog into a panda… Mummy is not happy… but the day she makes Kevin a chocolate birthday cake is the day that ALL of us, including Mummy, end up on the Naughty Step!”

Rude Mule (suggested by Katy Oakes)
“What would you do if a mule knocked on your door one day and said, “I’ve come for lunch”? You’d say, “Hello! Come in, Mule.” But what if the mule was badly behaved? Find out how a quick-witted little boy teaches an obstinate mule some manners in this funny, touching picture book. With repetitive dialogue and mule noises to make, this is a great book to read aloud.”

Healthy eating / exercise

No More Bottles for Bunny (suggested by Tina Frostholm)
“Ducky and Piggy are having a tea party with their younger friend Bunny. But Bunny can’t join in the real fun because he won’t stop sucking on his bottle. Ducky says she will be the mummy, Piggy says he will be the daddy and they ask Bunny to be the baby because he has a bottle. But Bunny doesn’t want to be the baby and stops sucking and starts to drink from a cup to show what a big boy he really is.”

Dealing with fear (darkness, monsters etc)

Paragon Books (various titles) (suggested by Alexandra Goldstein)
“This chunky, portable board book tower is ideal for small hands to read and carry! A fun, playful format introduces children to feelings, providing valuable building blocks for learning. With simple text and colorful pictures, this tower of 10 bright little books is ideal for children aged 1+”

Don’t Worry William (suggested by Claire Gaskarth)
“It’s a dark night. A night for naughty bears to creep downstairs. Horace and William need biscuits to make them brave so they sneak downstairs. Then they hear a noise – a mum kind of noise. What will happen to the two naughty bears when mum finds they are downstairs, when they should be in bed?”

Depression

The Red Tree (suggested by Paul Higley)
“A small child awakes to find blackened leaves falling from her bedroom ceiling, threatening to overwhelm her. ‘Sometimes you wake up with nothing to look forward to…’ As she wanders around a world that is complex, puzzling and alienating, she is overtaken by a myriad of feelings. Just as it seems all hope is lost, the girl returns to her bedroom to find that a tiny red seedling has grown to fill the room with warm light. Astonishing Australian artist, Shaun Tan’s latest creation, The Red Tree, is a book about feelings – feelings that can not always be simply expressed in words. It is a series of imaginary landscapes conjured up by the wizardry of his masterful and miraculous art. As a kind of fable, The Red Tree seeks to remind us that, though some bad feelings are inevitable, they are always tempered by hope.”

Topics with no suggestions (yet!)

Cleaning teeth / hygiene

Safety when out and about / on the road

Moving house

Being picked on by other children

Divorce or parents splitting

Not to bore with a long story, but I have to step back in time a bit. I never thought of being a mom that much. To be honest, I was getting used to the idea of having a career and being happy with that. Things changed when I met my husband. I was pretty late to that game in comparison to my friends and colleagues. We were married when I was 31. Then I found out the whole biological clock thing isn’t a myth. It’s real. It sucks, and it will hound the crap out of you until you listen to it.

We started almost two months after our wedding trying to build our little family. We had no reason to think things weren’t going to be easy. We thought that within a few months we would have happy news to share with our families and friends. One year, then almost two years went by and we knew things were not going to fall into place naturally. After lots of unhappy medicines and two rounds of the medical equivalent to a turkey baster, we got the phone call we had been waiting on. I went in the next week for my first ultrasound. One small little bean with a beating heart showed up on that screen. I smiled and knew everything was going to be ok. That was BT…before twins.

Our first three ultrasounds had shown a beautiful little tadpole growing and thriving. The next ultrasound changed everything. “Ha!” my mom and I laughed at the sweet, funny ultrasound tech as she asked if twins ran in our family. My mom said “that’s funny.” The tech took a somber look and quickly said, “I don’t joke about that kind of thing. Look on the screen.” For the first time in almost two months I was speechless about the pregnancy. I had been giddy and excited and probably blabbered on to anyone who would listen to the fact that I was finally having a baby. But now faced with a black and white screen looking at a lot of garbled shadows and light, the tech put a finger to the screen and pointed out two very distinct little babies. Baby A and Baby B.

And that wasn’t even half of the shocks we were in for over the next few months. Within a half hour of getting the shock of my life from the ultrasound tech, my obstetrician dug my stress hole even deeper when she looked at the ultrasound pictures and gently broke the news to me that my twins were most likely mono/mono. Ok, and that should mean what to me? Turns out I had a lot of twin pregnancy education crammed into my mind in a very short amount of time over the next few weeks. Mono/mono meant that the twins were in the same inner and outer sacs. This was not good as the mortality rate for mono/mono twins was 50%. Twins being the same inner and outer sacs meant that the chances of their umbilical cords getting wrapped around each other either during the course of the pregnancy or during the birth was extremely high.

This news took it’s toll on me and my husband for three long worrisome weeks until we had our first appointment with a perinatologist. Due to my age (I was 34 at the time), and the fact that my regular obstetrician suspected we had mono/mono twins, we now had to start seeing a high risk obstetrician. And was she a joy to see. By the end of everything we came to label her and her partner, Doctors Doom and Gloom. We went through the joys of suspected twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (don’t ask me to explain that one unless you have an hour or two to spare) and being told a few weeks before Christmas that the smaller of the twins would most likely ‘succumb’ within days. It was like getting a card saying “Merry freaking’ Christmas from Doctors Doom and Gloom!”

Turns out after months of physical and mental stress, our little baby B had IUGR, intrauterine growth restriction. It meant his umbilical cord just wasn’t as strong as his brothers and didn’t get as many nutrients, etc. to him to grow. He just stopped growing long before they should need to be born. So after a long week’s of hospital bedrest and when I officially hit 28 weeks of pregnancy, our little baby A (Andy) and baby B (Will) were born via c-section three hours before Valentine’s Day on a lovely Friday the 13th. Andy was born first weighing in at a hefty two pounds and thirteen ounces, and Will was one minute behind him weighing two pounds and three ounces. They screamed. It was awesome. I can’t put into words the depth of my worry about not hearing them scream being born so early. Their little kitten-like screams were the sweetest sound in the world at that point. I wanted to cry so bad, but the epidural they gave me was so unbelievably strong, I couldn’t form tears. I could hardly swallow, and all I could do was say how beautiful they were before the teams of nurses and doctors rushed my boys to the neonatal intensive care unit.

The next several weeks were long and excruciating while the boys were in the NICU. I remember reading an article that appeared in the New York Times about parents that had to spend an extended period of time with their children in NICUs having developed PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. Before this experience I would have doubted that theory. I fully believe it now. To this day, I still can’t help but react when I hear a beep or blip that sounds like the NICU monitors going off. I can’t watch the baby stories on television that detail NICU struggles in any form or fashion. My stomach gets knotted up when I hear an alarm that sounds like the apnea monitors they sent us home with for a few months. I don’t claim to have the same level of reaction that war veteran would have at all, but I can see how the sights, sounds and even smells linger in your brain forever when exposed to that kind of worry and stress in a particular location for a long span of time.

Jumping to present day, we couldn’t be happier with how our little monkeys have grown. They are on target for everything: height, weight, mental development and driving us insane on a daily basis. The main challenge we are left with is a few food issues for our little Will, but with feeding therapy we are hoping to overcome that soon. Having two three year olds is an adventure. That’s what I feel I’m supposed to say. That’s what I tell other twin parents that walk up to us in the store and ask if their little tiny infant twins will be a handful when they are our boys’ age. “Oh, it’s fun! You’re never bored!” I say and walk away quickly before my smirk and giggle are noticeable. What I don’t tell them is the fun and adventure are only part of the experience. There are lots of tears (both child and adult), lots of screams (mostly child, but a few adult ones on the rare occasion said child and/or children decide to pounce on you and ensure that neither mother or father is capable of having future siblings), lots of whining (I wish I could say all child here), lots of laughs (both sides equally), and lots and lots of hugs, kisses and cuddles.

As this blog entry is already a novel, I will save the ‘life with twins/crazy times with two three year olds’ stories for another entry. A few things that I have learned from my experience with twins are as follows: I will never be on time for anything again until they move out. Life is too short to worry about spilled milk, spilled juice, spilled applesauce over expensive upholstered furniture, or boogies rubbed on walls. Having identical twins isn’t as confusing as society would have you believe, except when you try to tell them apart from the side or back. I am stronger than I think I am (most of the time). Kids are weird. Twins are weird. Life with identical twins is weird, but I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for anything.

Tina Frostholm is mother to identical twin boys, Andy and Will. She resides along the sunny, hot and humid Gulf Coast of Alabama, USA where she is a freelance graphic designer and owner/designer of her shops, First Frost and Frostiki.

Whilst I’m definitely worried about all three of these changes, I’m well aware that we’re very lucky to only be experiencing most of these for the first time now, almost 4 years in to our time as parents. Sure, Sara went back to work after Robert too (and last time it was full-time).

But last time we were extremely lucky in that we had a relative who was able to do the child-minding for us – something which isn’t possible this time round. Robert spent Sara’s work hours with his aunt Katy, who very kindly looked after him along with his cousins who are around the same age.

This time round, we’ll be placing our trust in (almost) complete strangers, which is a lot more nerve-wracking. Sure, they’re highly qualified and they’re being paid to do a good job, but that doesn’t stop it being just as scary for all of us.

Robert I’m not quite so worried about – staying a few more hours at his current pre-school will undoubtedly be good for him, and the rate at which he’s absorbing information at the moment, I’m pretty sure it’ll do his education no end of good. The trickiest part for him is probably going to be the transition he’ll have to make with his peers. Quite a few of the children he currently plays with are (like he is currently) only doing half days, so he’ll meet a whole new set of children in the afternoon sessions. But the way I see it, it’s just an opportunity for him to make even MORE friends – though the prospect of twice as many birthday party invites is quite a scary one…!

Freddie will doubtless be fine as well – Sara is naturally quite nervous about leaving him for a number of reasons (the fact that he is not yet weened-off ‘the boob’ being just one) but I’m sure deep-down we both know that he’ll be fine. But it doesn’t stop the whole thing from being a very worrisome affair. One of the factors that makes it quite a tricky prospect is his current immobility. Aside from some very competent bum-shuffling, Freddie still hasn’t made any great efforts to move – so he’s some what reliant on being able to find stuff to play with that’s within his reach. Once he’s able to get around a bit more, he’ll probably find it a much more enjoyable experience.

Before you start wondering whether I’m being overly paranoid about an experience Freddie has yet to have, I should point out that Sara has been taking him for “taster” sessions at the nursery this week. Today’s was the first which involved her and Robert leaving Freddie alone for a short period, and he definitely seemed a little scared by the whole experience. But that is most likely due to separation anxiety rather than any particular issue with the nursery, right? That’s what I’m sticking to, anyway.

The thing that’s getting me through all this is the knowledge that pretty much every child has to go through it at some stage in their life, most of them at a similar sort of age as ours. We were probably extremely lucky that we never had to leave Robert with a non-relative until he was at least 3, so I’m very grateful for that. But I’m definitely going to make sure I make the most of the upcoming Easter long weekend, and load both children up with as many hugs and kisses as I can while I’m with them!

Happy Easter, everyone.

Last weekend, Sara and I took Robert and Freddie for a trip to one of our local National Trust properties – Basildon Park, near Pangbourne here in Berkshire. Sara and I have been Trust members since 2002, and now have a family membership which we’re making quite good use of. At last count (which I regularly do, as part of a “How much money have we saved by being members?” test!) we’d been to 10 in this membership period alone – so I consider myself reasonably familiar with their ‘offering’.

So, it was whilst wandering round the house and gardens at Basildon Park that I realised I should write a post about just how family-friendly the Trust is these days. A lot of people who I speak to about the NT have the (out-dated) opinion that it’s a stuffy enterprise for old people only – and I usually set them straight, sharpish. So, for the benefit of those of you who I haven’t ranted at yet, I wanted to explain a few of the reasons why I believe the National Trust and it’s properties can be the recipe for a great day out for you and your family.

They let you touch stuff now!

Gone are the days when walking round a Trust property involved standing behind red curtains and admiring from afar. Obviously there are some places and rooms where that has to still be the case, but as a whole the Trust has got a lot more ‘interactive’ with it’s houses in the past few years.

We’ve even been to a few where they actually encouraged you to touch and interact with the house – the photo on the right shows Robert at Hereford’s Berrington Hall, where the lady in the master bedroom invited Robert to get up on the bed and “have a bounce”.

Even if your children aren’t remotely interested in history or the context of the property, you’ll usually find something to amuse or strike their imagination. The photo below shows Robert (again!) drawing on a chalk board as part of one of the classrooms inside Lanhydrock House in Cornwall:

They make it fun for the kids

As well as trying to make the exhibits or houses more fun for the kids, a lot of properties make things even more fun for the little ones by doing little treasure hunts for them to take part in. Whether it’s hunting for little stuffed rats which have been hidden in the most unlikely places around the house (as they do at The Vyne in Berkshire) or filling in out “spotter” sheets where you need to find certain details in different rooms (as they did at Montacute House in Somerset, last time we visited – and Lytes Cary too, in fact) – there’s usually something to keep the kids amused while you’re soaking up the history or culture…

If they DON’T do this (you can usually find out before hand by ringing up the property), why not do what we did on one recent trip and make your own? A quick Google image search can usually find you enough details about the property to pick a few striking features or landmarks with which to construct your own treasure hunt…

It’s not just the house and gardens

As well as the interesting houses and beautiful gardens or country side they’re set in, most properties will run events or activities throughout the year, most of which will be extremely child friendly. Last year we visited Cliveden during the Autumn, and our visit coincided with their Apple Festival – a lovely little event which included Apple decorating, cider making (and tasting, for the grown-ups!) and other apple-based fun. As you can see from the photo below, Robert and his cousins certainly enjoyed it, and the walk around the grounds leading up to it made for a great day out.

So. Much. SPACE!

With the possible exception of a few of the more city-based properties, almost all National Trust locations feature a garden, or better still, acres of rolling countryside for you to explore. And what right-minded child DOESN’T like to run out about in long grass or thick woodland?!

So there you have it – I’m sure there are many more reasons to visit, but from a child’s-eye perspective, I think that should provide you with at least a couple of appealing reasons to hunt our your nearest property. I personally have their iPhone app on my phone, allowing us to find the nearest property wherever we end up in the country.

And if the National Trust doesn’t have anything near to you, why not try English Heritage too? Another Elliss family favourite…!

Tonight’s book was one called “The Littlest Dinosaur and the Naughty Rock“, and – if you haven’t figured it out from the title – it concerns a little dinosaur who gets sent to the dinosaur equivalent of the naughty step. I won’t spoil the ending for you all, but needless to say he learns a valuable lesson while there…

It’s actually the second book we’ve read which concerns discipline – the other is “We are wearing out the naughty step“, and I have to be honest and say it’s not as good as tonight’s read.

All this comparing lead me to the idea of this evening’s post. As you will all doubtless know, there are books for every lesson or moral going – dozens for each in fact. Whilst it’s great that there are so many books out there to help you deal with tricky issues, it’s also clear that they’re not all as good as each other. For instance, we thought “Pirate Pete’s Potty” was absolutely excellent during the potty training stage, and easily beat several other books we tried at the time. But it would have been nice if I could have saved us some time by finding the best one in the first place…

So, what I want to do is compile a list of books – as chosen by other parents – for a number of different occasions and issues. I could probably have a crack at doing it by myself, but this is the age of social media and crowd sourcing, so I want to go one better!

I’ve compiled a list of lessons/occasions that I’d ideally like to recommend some books for, so I’d like you, dear readers, to suggest any books you know of and like which would be suitable for each category. You can do it in a number of ways:

• Leave me a note in the comments below this post
• Tweet me via my Twitter account, or through Facebook
• Drop me an email with your suggestions, to henweb at gmail dot com

Feel free to also suggest any categories I’ve missed at the same time. Here’s the ones I’ve got so far:

Potty training time

The arrival of a new baby in the house

Cleaning teeth / hygiene

Starting school or pre-school

Divorce or parents splitting

Death of a loved-one or pet

Moving house

Being picked on by other children

Going on holiday or travelling somewhere

Going to the doctors / hospital etc

Safety when out and about / on the road

The basics of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’

Discipline / Respecting authority

Healthy eating / exercise

Dealing with fear (darkness, monsters etc)

So there’s the list as it current stands – now it’s your turn…!

Fatherhood²: “VBAC for good” and other strange things

So, for the uninitiated, the NHS generally recommend that mums who have previously had a Caesarian birth and are pregnant again should TRY to give birth naturally. Despite a lot of stories about the risks of ruptures, tears and muscle damage, the natural method is pushed VERY strongly by most doctors.

Well, studies released this week seem to have opened the debate once more, which I’m very pleased about. You can read the entire story on the BBC website here – “Planned repeat C-sections ‘safer’” – but here’s a quick summary of the story:

Australian researchers found the risk of stillbirth was lower in women who had a planned repeat C-section rather than trying for a natural labour.

Meanwhile, a UK study found the chance of womb rupture was reduced when mothers had an elective repeat section.

But risks are low for both natural birth and Caesareans, say experts.
[...]
The current UK guidelines state that women should be able to choose after discussing the issue with their doctor.

So it looks like the debate might not be quite as cut-and-dry as the natural birth champions would have you think.

I should probably point out for those who don’t follow this blog regularly, Freddie (baby number 2) WAS born “naturally”, and Sara didn’t seem to suffer any medical consequences – though we were quite annoyed that we were never really given the option to choose, and were steered very heavily towards the natural birth.

Apart from the outcome of the research itself, the coverage of the news lead me to another interesting fact – apparently UK “guidelines” state that women SHOULD be able to choose. This is very clearly not what happened to us, and from what I heard after I posted the original story, it wasn’t the experience of other parents either. Just like midwives will always encourage you to breastfeed if possible (another issue very close to our heart – if you’ll excuse the pun) it seems that doctors prefer natural births too.

To be fair to the other side of the argument, there are some clear reasons why doctors especially would prefer natural births – not least of all because it’s a lot less reliant on staff and surgeons than a natural birth, which can often be carried out by a team of midwives alone. But I’m not arguing that any mother should be given the choice, just that women who have previously given birth by c-section should at least be TOLD that it’s an option for them.

I’ll be following the research and it’s follow-up very closely over the next few years, but I’m always very interested to hear about the experience of other parents in the same situation – do let me know in the comments if that’s you!

Okay, so it’s not quite as bad as it sounds – and maybe I exaggerated the “pushing” part above…! We were actually taking part in a “Learning Through Nature” day which had been organised by Robert’s (excellent) pre-school, along with a lot of other pupils and their families.

I don’t know whether “Learning through Nature” is a national thing or something they’ve made up, but essentially it happens once a week at school, and involves the children being taken in to the parkland and woodland near their school to do naturey things – looking for bugs and animals, learning about leaves and trees – that sort of thing.

As it always goes down very well with the children, the staff decided to extend it to families for a special, one-off weekend event. So, on Saturday morning we all traipsed in to the woods (not an easy feat with a stroller, I can tell you) and took part in lots of fun activities together. We built dens, hunted for “mini beasts”, guided each-other round rope-trails while blindfolded, started fires and weaved twigs (you can see my creation on the left – I call it “The emptiness of the forest – a study in wood”. We even got a barbecued lunch thrown in.

And best of all – they ran the whole thing for just £1 per family. ONE POUND! I couldn’t even pay for the string I used to build the den with a bloody pound! Amazing.

Perhaps the hairiest moment for me was watching Robert and Sara sliding down a very steep muddy bank in to a massive ditch, which they then had to climb out of with a very long rope. I thought I could get out of it by staying at the top minding Freddie’s stroller (which was perched precariously at the ledge), but eventually I was forced down myself, where I proceeded to surprise even myself by how little embarrassment I caused.

It was a great way to spend a few hours, and a real “family day” – something we get to do far too infrequently, with modern life so regularly getting in the way. I’d highly recommend it!

All together Sara will be taking 5 of these “KIT” days before she returns properly, and because our full-time care arrangements for the boys don’t officially begin until that point, I’m taking 5 days off work (over the next 4 weeks) to look after Robert and Freddie on these days.

Nothing particularly out-of-the-ordinary there, and aside from my inability to breast feed (which could cause some fractiousness with the younger child by the afternoon!)it SHOULD be relatively straight forward. But it’s the first time I’ve been properly left in charge of both children for the day, so it’s going to be a bit of a test of my patience I suspect.

Since it’s going to be such a new experience, I thought I’d try to document some of it for posterity’s sake. I’ll probably update this post a few times today – though I doubt it’s going to be very interesting for anybody really. It’s not like I’m live-blogging the football results or something…! But it will amuse me, at least.

5.30am – The day starts a little earlier than normal, with Freddie being a little bit sick after his only night-time feed. The early start is probably a blessing in disguise though, as our morning routine is going to be a lot different once we’re both back at work. Apart from a few tears from Robert when we discuss why Mummy is going back to work, things seem to be going reasonably smoothly so far.

8am – With no major upsets along the way, after quickly trying to get as much milk in to Freddie as possible, Sara leaves for work. My job officially begins!

8.20am – Having coraled both children in to their rain coats, brushed teeth and got bags ready, we set off for pre-school, where Robert spends his morning. Thankfully, a grizzly Freddie falls asleep in the car.

8.30am – Having done the pre-school drop-off numerous times before, I manage this task relatively successfully – though doing it in the rain does present a few tricky obstacles. Robert is now safely ensconced in somebody else’s care for the morning though, so Freddie is my only task.

9am – Despite my wife’s assurances that Freddie would probably now stay asleep for a couple of hours, giving me plenty of time to do some chores, Freddie is currently (as I write this) making quite a bit of noise in his cot upstairs – he clearly doesn’t want to be there…! So it may be time for the first plan-change of the day…

9.45am – With Freddie wide awake upstairs, it’s becoming quite clear that he’s not going to play ball. Time for a strategy change! With 90 minutes left to kill before picking up Robert, I decide to take Freddie with me to Tesco so we can do some ad-hoc shopping.

10.45am – Shopping was a success – Freddie is in a delightful mood, we managed to get some good Mother’s Day presents and even some delicious food for Sara’s dinner, after what will invariably have been a tiring day for her. It’s at this point that I realise just how stressed I feel – not in an immediate way, but in the “foreboding dread” type of way. I can deal with pretty much every situation the kids might throw at me, except one: the breastfeeding. The dread I feel is linked to the knowledge that, at any moment, Freddie could turn in to a big screaming blob, wanting what I can’t give him. Hey ho…

11.05am – Shopping all sorted, I’m now sat in the car outside Robert’s pre-school, feeling surprisingly relaxed. Freddie has finally fallen asleep in the back, and I’ve got 15 minutes of free time to sit and listen to Radio 2. Maybe today might be okay after all?!

11.30am – Having collected Robert, it becomes clear to me how much Freddie reacts to Robert’s presence – without even trying, Robert seems able to entertain Freddie with just the slightest movement or noise. Suddenly I feel very relieved to have them both back together – and Robert is VERY happy to see me again, which is a nice bonus.

12.10pm – Home again, and lunch is being made.

12.35pm – Lunch went very well – Freddie ate everything I gave him, and drank a fair bit of water too. Hopefully that will stave-off any thirst pangs he might be having! Robert was a little monkey as usual, insisting on building a Lego model while we ate, but he ate most of what I gave him so I can’t really complain. We’re now all sat having a play in the lounge…

14.15pm – Having sat watching Cbeebies and playing with some toys for a while, I finally got Freddie in to bed about 10 minutes ago, where he is now fast asleep. Finger’s crossed, he should now stay asleep until Sara gets home, meaning I’ll have made it through the day with no major incidents! Robert and I are now building Lego models and watching Mr Bloom’s Nursery…

15.15pm – Freddie remained asleep until Sara arrived home – SUCCESS!

Maybe this staying at home lark isn’t quite as scary as I imagined it might be..?