In what has become a highlight of absolutely nobody’s year, the announcement of the shortlist for “Celebrity Mum of the Year” was made today – and this year’s shortlist is another cracker. Amongst the names on the Foxybingo-sponsored list – a list apparently made up of “the most inspiring celebrity mums” – are perpetual favourites Katie Price, Victoria Beckham, Colleen Rooney and Amanda Holden.
Nobody knows quite what goes on behind the doors at the “Celebrity Mum of the Year” awards judging – the process is one of the industry’s most closely guarded secrets. But the following is a small sample of the tasks the celebrity mums are rumoured to be asked to complete:
- Swiftly and calmly changing a nappy which looks like the result of a bomb attack at a sewerage works at 3am in the morning, without resorting to swear words.
- Preparing a nutritional and filling meal with the contents of a fridge which hasn’t been filled for almost a week, and which mainly consists of cheddar cheese, a leek and some week-old ham.
- Giving a convincing response to the question “What do you think of my model?” when presented with a toilet roll sellotaped to a cereal box for the seventh time in under an hour.
- Making up a good answer to the question “How does the TV remote control work?” without any knowledge of infra-red, without making themselves appear stupid.
- Reading ‘The Tiger Who Came to Tea’ for the 100th time, whilst managing to still sound lively and energetic and not questioning why the hell the father appears to have more beer in the house than water in the taps.
The paucity of talent in that list is one thing, but what really got my goat when browsing through the list was the inclusion of the following women: Fearne Cotton, Kate Middleton and Sarah Storey.
Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not questioning any of those three women’s parental abilities – they may well be excellent mothers… WHEN THEIR CHILDREN ARE BORN! Yep, all three of those celebrity “mums” are currently pregnant with their first children - so how does anybody in the world profess to have any knowledge of how inspirational they are as mums?!
Not that it’s an honour they’re going to be gagging to receive mind you – previous recipients of one of the many “celebrity mum of the year” awards include Katie Price (2012, 2009, 2007), Stacey Solomon (2011), Kym Marsh (2009), Sharon Osbourne (2006) and Kerry Katona (2005, 2002). I don’t know about you, but as a regular parent I don’t find much inspiration in that list – but maybe I’m missing something?
Don’t worry though dads, us men aren’t left unrecognised – the “Celebrity Dad of the Year” awards are another regular fixture on the awards calendar, and the winners on that list provide even more inspiration to us than the women. Last year’s winner was pop star Gary Barlow, who pipped previous four-time winner Peter Andre to the title in a tightly-fought “battle-of-the-dads”.
Whilst I suspect I’ve probably put more thought in to this post than the entire nomination/judging panel of these awards have done in over a decade, I hope I’m not the only one who is insulted by this sort of award.
Should the average, hard-working parent really have these “celebrities” representing the apparent pinnacle of success in parenting? Can’t we all revolt and force them to choose some actual deserving people?
Who’s with me? Anyone? No. Oh well…